My Time Alone

Excuse me if this blog is somewhat scattere braind... or rather not scatter brained. Like I said in my previous post, I had next to no time by myself just for me to think. I guess you could count this as alone time for me but I wouldn't classify it as such. I just wanted to be alone... I'm sitting in the pit right now. There are plenty of people around my but only one is speaking, It's not really too terribly quiet but I can live with it. Scratch that, the pit just started playing, now I'm listening to the failed tones and notes of the pit band. I'm still trying to convey my thoughts right now so here goes my hardest try at keeping on a straight track with my train of thought. I'm feeling Anger and Rage right now, flooding through my spiteful veins. I really want to hit something and I'm not a violent person. Betrayal, betrayal where I thought I could keep friendship, compassion, feelings of anything. I just want to turn it off right now. I want to shut off the colors, turn off the sounds, lose the feelings. I just want to be alone, by myself and with no one else in my world. If I could just be alone, I would happy. I don't want to be with anyone and I don't want anyone to be with me. My insides are tearing me apart with everything I have to deal with, I don't want it and if I could shut it off, I would. I want to be alone.