Late Night Talk

You know, I don't think I would have even thought about writting this blog had it not been for my friend calling me at eleven thirty. She and I had a talk, we discussed alot of things.A few things came to mind while we talked and I have a few personalized messages for each person. There are Three specific persons I need to talk to.

I've never held you in contempt, never truly been mad, never truly hated you. I've only worked to make you happy and I know that I can but you don't. I've been told so many things about you, good and bad. sometimes I draw inspirtation from them and sometimes they hurt but I don't believe them. I let them stay as they are, petty rumors, because I won't beilieve it unless I hear it from you. You need time to grow, to learn, I understand that about you and you'll always have time to do so. It's only you holding yourself back, you do so many things and spread yourself so thin, you really have an amazing aptitude for such but I know I'm not the only one that wishes you would just slow down and enjoy what you have while you have it. I don't blame you for anything that has happened, I don't hate you, I don't want to see you exhaust yourself in your prime. If you do read this, please take it easy, you really deserve some time to relax.

You and I talk, we talked a little ways back about relationships. I don't know what's happened between you two but I'm glad you're being friends. Honestly, the same won't happen for me. You two broke up and I had no idea who was at fault and now I still don't. I don't want to know because I shouldn't ever think like that. No one should be at fault for drifting apart. I'm glad you still talk to him, you're beautiful, you're funny, you're smart, and best of all, you're amazing. I feel as though you and I have a connection in such a way that we understand why bad things happen. You and I learned things about each other, granted a few things were... less wanted than others... we still told each other. If it doesn't work out for you then you shouldn't blame yourself. Be happy for what you had but move on because you will find someone better.

This will be my last note. It is to the second most important person in my life.

Listen, you've been amazing all your life. Don't listen to anything anyone says about you because more times than not, they are lies. Love life, live life, stay happy. You don't need anyone else in your life because you compliment yourself just perfectly. Please stay happy and please don't beat yourself up over the past. You have an amazing family that loves you, your brothers may bother you sometimes but they will always love you. You've suffered some pretty harsh blows in the past year, just like me, but we've both overcome. I'd say we're pretty perfectly matched in the hands that we've been dealt, I'm just more thoughtful. When you read this, because I know you will, I want you to know that you are loved. Maybe not by who you want to love you but you are always loved, by family and friends. You will always have others to count on and help you. Don't beat yourself up over the past, keep calm and carry on.

To the three people I addressed, I know it is somewhat generic in each note but there are subtle differences that keep them specialized just for you. Please take the time to think about what I've said because it came from not only my mind but also my heart, these notes, this advice, it's all what I believe. I take myself for granted, I've been told I give great advice to others but when it comes to me, I never listen, I always jump to conclusions. Take everything you have for granted and you'll end up unhappy. Stay young, live free, and be happy because there is always someone out there that loves you.

Part Three (Information)

I will not be continuing this for a while. I'm sorry but I don't have the drive to write much about it. I contemplated killing off some characters to simplify the story, I even thought about finishing it in part three but decided no one would like that and I wouldn't feel accomplished. Maybe in a year when I'm reading through my blogs I'll find this and continue it but as of right now, my plans for this are shelved.

Deviants

I was going through my old Deviant art account and read some of the stories I had on there. It's actually funny. I had been complaining about love before I knew what it was. Ten months before I had an actual relationship I was complaining about love. Sometimes you should go and look at some of your old accounts, journals, blogs, pictures, anything that have defined who you are. It's amazing what you'll find.

Happy School Day End

In photography class, I had finished all of my homework. I turned in all my assignments, had everything grade, all of that good stuff. I was sitting in the room listening to my ipod when I felt my phone vibrate. I received an email from one of my favorite bands newsletters stating that they would be streaming thier entire album a week before its release date. With half an hour left in class, I opened my laptop and started listening. I'm saying now that come October second, I will be getting that album.

The Upsides of Singularity

Singularity as being single, not some sort of physics so don't get worried. I've had time to grow out my facial hair. I don't need to shave it for anyone. Now that I'm single, there's no reason for me to shave. My room is always a mess now, I have plenty of time to clean it but what's the point? It's just going to get dirty again and no one comes to my room so really I don't touch anything. Having a lot of free time can be an up or a down. I like it because I have more time to run, jog, walk... just exercise in general. I hate it because after I'm done with my exercise, I have so much free time that there's nothing left to do. I'm not saying I'm enjoying the single life, but I'm also not saying that I hate it. There are ups and downs and right now I'm living with it, trying to spend my time as wisely as I can.

Just Some Fun

So I went to my Saturday Update Blog to update it and this is what I found.

Apparently you can have half a view... My blog hasn't been seen for over a week... Someone is getting to my blog from YouTube... And the top triffic site for my blog is a porn website. (I went to the link, I don't watch porn.)

A Big Thank You

So, if you didn't know this, my entire blogging persona started in my English class while I was trying to write a paper. Instead of working on my essay, I started ranting. That started my Rants blog effectively leading me to create more and more blogs. The point of this post is to say that I appreciate everyone that has read my blogs, stayed with me while I created more, and anticipate my new blogs. I really didn't think that my blog would be getting more than a few page views every month but I'm starting to get over a hundred for each blog monthly. Just so everyone knows, I have not forgotten about my Rants blog, in fact I have four or five rants in line to type, they're all notes on my desktop but I have yet to type them out and elaborate. Again, thank you all for staying with me over the past months and reading, I think we all gain when we can collect other's opinions on separate topics.

Recent Happenings

I have not posted in this blog for a while. It's not that I have been ignoring it, I just haven't written anything that I feel is good enough to be put in here, for the past few days I've written little blog entries and I've made small snipets of stories but I haven't published them, they're there on my blog page, just not out to the public yet. They may never be, who knows. Anyway, to anyone wondering, I've been hanging around with this girl and we're becoming really close friends, I don't know if I feel anything more than friendship at this moment though. I've been upset as well though, mostly because of people, or maybe just one specific person. I've found a way to deal with it though, when I'm upset or in the wrong, I take a walk and I tell myself that I am not allowed to walk back into that house until I am completely fine and whatever was on my mind is bothering me no more. The longest I've had to do this was around three hours and fifteen minutes so it may take a few hours and a few miles as well, at least I'm getting more excercise in though. I got the idea from this girl I know, so, thanks Carly! I guess that wraps up my days off, I'll be back to post more soon!

Trust Issues

I'm just going to be open about it because I need to express how I feel. A few weeks ago, I was dumped, at first I guess everything was okay but it just started to get hard to handle for me. She and I shared a locker and I decided that I shouldn't hinder her or hurt myself by staying so I moved out and I havent talked to her since. It's hard to just drop your feelings for someone no matter how many people tell you to or how bad someone says things are. Thursday of last week I was asked to tag along with her family one day and I didn't give a straight answer because I didn't know how she felt, whether she wanted me around or not, or if she hates me. I waited for her invitation but it never happened. It isn't helping but I'm still waiting for her, I've been asked on three dates since and I've turned them all down, not because I don't like the girls, but because I'm still waiting.

Jealous Minds Wander

Jealousy isn't good for anything, it's hateful and puts your mind in a state of contempt. I have been jealous in the past, actually very recently, and it's never helped me. Holding in your jealousy does nothing for you and neither does letting others know of it. It wasn't until about ten 'O' clock tonight that I realized, being mad, being jealous, and holding onto the past isn't helping me in any way, shape, or form... So I've decided to let it go. To everyone I've ever held contempt for, ever been mad at, and/or jealous of, you're off the hook. There is no need to hate others or hold grudges for anything.

Invitations

When I'm invited to go hang out or do something with someone, I want the person in charge of the event to invite me. If a friend invites me to hang out with another friend or go do some sort of activity, I won't answer or if I do it will be a very vague answer that can't be interpreted as a yes or no. If I want to do something with someone, I want to make sure everyone is comfortable around me, or that I'm comfortable around everyone else. Usually it's just my sense of right and wrong, understanding that I shouldn't invite myself over.

Chalk Outline

I've been cursed, I've been crossed, I've been beaten by the ones that help me up. I've been cut, I've been opened up, I've been shattered by the ones I thought I loved. You left me here like a chalk outline, on the sidewalk waiting for the rain to wash away. You keep coming back to the scene of the crime, but the dead can't speak and there's nothing left to say anyway. All you left behind is a chalk outline. I've been cold in the crypt, but not as the cold as the words across your lips. You'll be sorry baby some day when you reach across the bed where my body used to lay

Ours

Elevator buttons and morning air, stranger's silence makes me wanna take the stairs. If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares but right now, my time is theirs. Seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, the jury's out, but my choice is you. So don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours.

One Quote

I read a line today about love. It goes, "Life tears you apart but love brings you back together." As much as I want this to be true, in most cases, it's not. Plain and simple, small things can ruin relationships, even some of the best. I've seen some wonderful couples destroy everything they built together because of a few small problems. I've dealt with problems just the same. It's never ended in such a way that both of us are happy. So, I'd like to impose my place as a writer and add a little something extra to the above quotation. Life tears you apart, Love can bring you back together, but the smallest of actions can rip you to shreds.

Part Two

Kiya and I are on the deck out front of the campers cabin, holding hands. We give each other a quick kiss and let our hands drop from the others grasp. I hear the kid's excited voices through the thin wood door. It's a melting pot of voices and subjects, I hear a few of the campers speculating about the game we're playing tonight while some of the others are talking about their friends and family back home. I open the door as quick as I can to surprise the kids and yell "Who's ready for dinner!?" My voice quickly fills the cabin as the two campers on the bed jump up, obviously frightened by my surprise check up.

I turn around and walk out the cabin before anyone has a chance to respond. This has been the regular greeting since the start of camp so they all understand what's happening. Each one falls into line behind me and starts a mock march. Knees high, chests out, chins up. As the last camper exits the cabin, Kiya falls in behind him finishing up the line. We all walk through the camp chanting our Cabin's initials. "K.B, K.B, K.B!"

We're all greeted by the sounds of the other cabins closing in from behind us, chanting their cabin initials as well. My ears are met with the voices of many hungry campers from three different cabins, D.J, G.J, and E.B. The cabins are named after the governing counselors of the cabin, Cabin Kiya-Brandon, Cabin Danny-J-Rod, Cabin Gabby-Jared, and Cabin Emily-Bailie. Each line of campers makes their way to the center of the camp, marked by the five camp flags, one for each cabin, and a flag for the camp. 

The rest of the counselors and I make our way to our respective flags and stand in front of the pole with our cabins in line directly in front of us. Danny, Jared, Emily, and I slowly walk up and stand together in front of the camp flag. Danny takes a deep breath, preparing for his nightly yell. "Good evening cabins! How are we doing tonight!?" 

A reply of voices answers his call with mixed reactions, good, amazing, and peachy among others.

I step forward and shout to the kids, "For dinner tonight, we're having breakfast! Eggs, and pancakes, and bacon, and orange juice!"

Excited cheers and disgruntled moans come from the large crowd of campers, obvious mixed reactions about tonight's menu.

"And for dessert..." I give the kids a few seconds to get ready for my finishing statement, "we are having Fire-Cakes!" 

Every single camper shouts back a return of excitement and approval. Fire-Cakes are round disks of red velvet cake that the counselors bake over an open flame. The cakes never turn out uniform but they all taste delicious no matter what. It's sort of a camp specialty.

Jared steps forward as I step back in line with the other three counselors. "We have a great activity that everyone will be able to participate in, and I mean everyone, tonight after dinner. Your counselors will come and get you in your cabins when everything is ready. We expect to see each and every one of you there, it'll be a night to remember!" 

Finally, Jared steps back and Emily steps up. She puts her hands around her mouth to try and amplify her small voice, she takes a deep breathe and shouts, "Dinner is open! Everyone into the hall!"

At that command, the kids rush into the mess hall like a wave crashing on the beach. The counselors stick behind to meet up. After we have all assembled outside the hall we get into a group huddle and have a private meeting.
Danny starts. "Good luck tonight guys, gals, may the best cabin win."

"Thanks Danny, but our cabin doesn't need luck, we have pure skill on our side." Interrupts Jared.

"Yeah, just like the time you said you had skill, climbed a tree, and then fell out." Emily replies.

Noticing that we're getting sidetracked I step in. "Alright, we all know the rules, we're going to repeat them to the kids, give them the directions. No help from the counselors, alright?"

I get a mixture of grunts and agreements. We all put our hands in the middle as Danny shouts "1...! 2...! 3...!"

We all answer him by throwing our hands up and yelling "Whoop, whoop, whoop!" It's been our meeting send off for the past two years. After splitting up, we all take our time getting into the mess hall. Kiya and I walk in together and sit down at the end of our table, a look of concern and intensity on our faces. We look at our campers and say in unison, "Bring your A game tonight, we're going to win this."

Part One

"You don't want to do this man." I say jokingly.
"I don't know, I mean, it's pretty tempting... What do you guys think?" Danny turns his back on me to face the kids, "Jury? What is the verdict?"
The kids all scream back in unison "Guilty! Send him to the bottom!" with the occasional "No! Don't do it!" contradicting the laughter and giggling.
Danny turns back around, facing me now, and says with an expression of mock sorrow "Sorry man, I gotta' please the court." as he proceeds to step closer.
"C'mon Danny, don't do this, please let me go, it'll never happen again." I plead with sarcasm.
Danny, stepping ever so closer, plants his foot on the dock, outstretched both his arms and makes contact with my chest, pushing me in to the lake. I grab him at the last second by his wrist and pull him in too. We both tip over the dock and fall into the warm lake water while the kids shout and scream in fake terror.
The lake itself isn't that deep but we both put on a show for the kids, thrashing around and spitting out water, pretending to be in trouble. Danny and I climb over ourselves trying to get a better position in the water. The entire time I'm hearing the kids yell to Danny, "Take him down! Make him pay!"
After a few more minutes of putting on a show, I finally accept defeat and let myself fall to the lake bed.
Danny stands up in the shallow water, the lake is only about up to his knees, and throws his arms above his head and yells, "I am the Master Commander!"
I swim to the surface and get some air before I answer his shout in a humorous manner. "Good game man, next time maybe we can switch it up and I take you down."
"Next time maybe you won't get caught stealing our flag, huh?" He laughs.
"Alright fair enough, wanna' go get me towel then? Make yourself useful and whatnot?"
"Sure man, be right back."
I make my way to shore and climb out of the water with my shoulders slumped and my head down in mock defeat. A few of the kids and other counselors are waiting for me under a tree. I notice Jared hanging out with Gabby at a picnic table to my right, holding hands with their faces inches apart, no doubt thinking about kissing. I shout over to them, "Get a room you two!" and Jared replies by waving his hand at me, completely blowing off my comment.
I reach the tree and sit down between Kiya and Bailie, trying to dry off as much as possible while still getting them soaking wet. As soon as I sit down they both jump up and Kiya jokes with me, "Hey! Go dry off! No reason getting both of us wet you jerk!" a smile creased into her face.
I walk over to the kids and shake off some of the remaining droplets of water from myself getting them wet too. They all cover their faces with their hands trying as much as possible to keep from getting soaked. Off in the distance I see Danny walking up with a towel, I start running to him but turn my head back and say to the kids, "Dinner's at Six 'O' Clock, don't forget, we're playing a game afterwards so be ready!" and continue my jog to Danny.
We both greet each other by extending our right hands and forcefully grabbing the others hand with a vigorous handshake. "So, how was it?" I ask.
"The kids loved it, they're back in the cabin still excited about the whole thing."
"Great! Thanks for the towel, how much time until dinner, Danny?"
"We've got about an hour until Six so go dry off and have some relaxing time man."
"Alright sounds good. See you at dinner then!" I say and instantly turn back and run to Kiya, towel around my shoulders. It's obvious that I haven't even made an attempt to dry off so she reaches out in front over her with both arms trying to stop me. I duck to the right and pick her up by the waist and spin her around with a hug.
"Brandon! Put me down! You're getting me wet!" She says. I put her down but still hold her in my hug. We're both smiling at each other. "You really should dry off, we've only got about an hour before we have to be at the mess hall." she says.
"You're probably right." I reply while swinging the towel off my shoulders to wipe myself dry. "You ready for tonight?" I ask.
Having had time, she sat back down underneath the tree, "You know it! Danny and J-Rod's cabin are going down!" she yells enthusiastically, loud enough for Danny to hear.
I hear an answer from behind me and know who it's from as soon as it hits my ears, "You two don't stand a chance tonight!" Danny obviously wanted to get the last laugh with that.
I chuckle and continue drying myself. When I feel that I've done enough, I ask Kiya to come check me out, just to make sure I didn't leave any wet patches. She confirms that I am all dry but points out how wrinkly my clothes are now. We both walk to our cabin to get a change of clothes for me. She waits out front on the deck while I change in private. I pull on my nice shorts and A Day To Remember t-shirt. After I'm dressed I slip out the side window and follow the deck up to the front, ready to scare Kiya. To my surprise she isn't there. I stand there with a puzzled expression plastered on my face and feel two hands grab at my sides. I jump up and scream loud enough for the whole camp to hear. I turn around and find Kiya rolling around laughing on the ground, holding her sides and kicking her feet.
"You're so funny." I say, a little distaste in my tone.
"Sorry, I knew you'd try that again so I snuck around while you were dressing. That scream made my entire night though!" she says.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just go before we get caught up with the campers."
Kiya and I sneak off to the other side of the lake. Last year we found a little clearing in the woods and that's been out hang out place ever since. She and I just sit there in silence looking up at the clouds passing by. After about half an hour, she sits up and says, "We should probably get going, don't want to be late to dinner!" She stands up and offers her hand to me. I take it and she pulls a little while I do most of the work getting myself up. I stand in front of her, smile, and give her a quick peck in the cheek before we start heading off to our cabin to pick up our campers.