My Time Alone

Excuse me if this blog is somewhat scattere braind... or rather not scatter brained. Like I said in my previous post, I had next to no time by myself just for me to think. I guess you could count this as alone time for me but I wouldn't classify it as such. I just wanted to be alone... I'm sitting in the pit right now. There are plenty of people around my but only one is speaking, It's not really too terribly quiet but I can live with it. Scratch that, the pit just started playing, now I'm listening to the failed tones and notes of the pit band. I'm still trying to convey my thoughts right now so here goes my hardest try at keeping on a straight track with my train of thought. I'm feeling Anger and Rage right now, flooding through my spiteful veins. I really want to hit something and I'm not a violent person. Betrayal, betrayal where I thought I could keep friendship, compassion, feelings of anything. I just want to turn it off right now. I want to shut off the colors, turn off the sounds, lose the feelings. I just want to be alone, by myself and with no one else in my world. If I could just be alone, I would happy. I don't want to be with anyone and I don't want anyone to be with me. My insides are tearing me apart with everything I have to deal with, I don't want it and if I could shut it off, I would. I want to be alone.

What Little Time

With what little time I have to write this blog, I just want to say how hard it seems to get five god damn minutes of peace alone, by myself. I just wanted to be alone to clear my head and keep myself a little more stable but that didn't happen, I'm like a damn magnet to everyone, they all gravitat toward me and I for some reasone, can't seem to find any time to be myself with myself and only me! I just wanted to be alone but they wouldn't let me. I don't want to be around anyone else. I really just want to go away.

An App is an Interesting Thing

So, there is a free application on the Apple Store, if you've seen it then you'll understand a little better. The basic functionality of this app is to help you determine your mood for the day. It keeps track of your answer and tracks yourself over a period of time. The main idea is to tell you if you need to change something in your life. When I first started using it my days were generally on the low end of the scale meaning I was a tad bit distressed. After a week of using it, I started to cheer up. This past week, I had an epiphany, however silly or simple it may seem... If you're happy, then you aren't sad. I've tried to keep a smile on my face all week, no matter what. It worked. I've seen a boost in my mood and I've been feeling much better about myself. So, my readers, take a look at your life. Are you happy? Are you sad? Does something need to change? If so, what? Take the reigns on your life and leaf it the way you want to.

Oh My, Oh My

My dear friend Bailie, this... girl you're speaking of (I'm sorry, but I refuse to use the term you used to describe her.) really doesn't deserve your attention. If it brings you so much pain, the best thing to do would be to... In the words of the popular band, Three Days Grace, Let it Die. I don't know exactly who this person is, I have my thoughts about it, but it's not worth bringing the trouble or pain. Happy Friday!

Recent Happenins'

Hello my friends! So, I've just gotten back from a concert (it was amazing) and I really want to blog about it but on the other hand, I don't. I've got three reasons to justify myself if I happen to not say anything else about it here. One, it's already been three days since the concert, I can't remember exactly everything that happened, I didn't blog about it earlier because I was asleep, coming home at two in the morning, staying up 'til seven and then waking up at noon for a few more hours flips around your internal clock. Two, after the concert, I got really moody. I sort of became really sad and it was just a feeling of like, everyone hated me, and everything was just going wrong. I still sort of feel this way too so... yeah. Three, it's really just so much easier to explain the things that I can remember from the concert in person, I'm sure I'll be doing that a lot over the coming days. But guys, if I do blog about it, I'll try my best to keep everything in there and leave out as little details as possible.

My Opinions Are My Opinions

I hate everyone. My opinion is not wrong, it's my damn opinion. Everyone else really does need to fuck off. I gave my opinion on The Beatles, I don't like their music, in fact you can say I hate their music. As soon as I voiced my opinion I was shot down by angry voices. Apparently having multiple hit songs means that the band cannot possibly anything less than the best. Seriously, fuck all of you.

So Many Things

Very recently, specifically four in the morning today, I was hit hard, head on, with the rest of my life. I don't know what I want to do with myself for sure, there are plenty of things I want to try while I can. I've been having recent rumblings of trekking across America. Everyone is assuming that I'm going to be renting a hotel every night, eating out for all my meals, and driving through the states. That's not how I want to do it. I want to get my shoes, get my tent, take a canteen, compass, a couple boxes of matches, a few cans of dried food, and walk across America. I don't want to take a ride across the nation, I want to travel myself alone and understand myself better. It doesn't seem like a viable plan to anyone else though. With the doubt from others I started thinking of other things I want to do. I want to travel, that's the main thing. Sydney, Australia, is one of the specific places I want to visit. I could get a Work Visa and actually live in Australia for a while or I could take a round trip flight and stay a month or two. I want to meet new people and expand my horizons, not only to the people, but also to the cultures. I want to know what else is out there but it doesn't help when everyone is blowing me down.

Not The Right Time

I had a really interesting Saturday, it was actually fantastic and I have so much to say about it. I thought about blogging about it in my Saturday Update but then I thought "Hmmm... Maybe I'll do something else..." and s I did. I may or may not blog about it later.