Dark Places

As the title describes, that's where I am right now, I've been in some really dark places lately and currently feel lost in one. I feel as though I've been cheated and left for dead. This girl, this girl that I loved for the better part of a year, we broke up, we stayed friends, I stumbled across a conversation that killed me inside. Not even a month after we had decided to break it off. I felt betrayal, remorse, regret, everything, but for whatever reason I can't bring myself to say that I don't still love her. Maybe it's a flaw in myself, maybe I just love too much for too little. If anyone knows me, me as a person, they'd know that I am against everything and anything drug related, alcohol, nicotine, anything. Last night I had a dream that I got wasted, drunk, blown out of my mind, all because I wanted to feel better, and you know what? I did, I felt relief in my dream. I am in a dark place right now and I want to get out but I don't know how. I can't ask for help, that's not me, I don't ask for help, I don't want to trouble anyone with my problems.